Backing Up

People who research human reactions to things like art and music might be going backwards, like child's play, in their material.  That's the sort of idea of a thing that pulled me away from going straight to performing/creating artistic things, to study and "teach" artistic and musical psychology, related somewhere in my subconscious to my sequence of goals in my career life.

Dance is another thing, which I did a big end of the year project on ballet in high school, had to pick I think any scientific topic, for chemistry class.  It was probably mostly about things like physics but not extremely informed.  I probably talked about things like nutrition and maybe should have gone into emotions and mood.

So, I sorta wanted to be like an intellectual or academic, to be still and to think.  I even got an invitation to Cambridge, I think.  I was told I write well, and so was my dad, though I think we have significant differences.  Some people are very smart and in special ways that I'm not.  I see I sorta go into meaty stuff, in ways comparably ... without just sorta like a riptide of pleasure, waiting for my prey or without being what I think is voluntarily unintelligible ... though I used to write unintelligibly for the grade when in a hurry, for whatever mistake of a lifestyle, the way of things I was used to.

One reason I wouldn't go maybe is I enjoyed "taking a stab at" life in a culture I could manipulate, the US where I'm from.  I used to do music for fun, but I wished to do it professionally at that.  True, I'm a school fanatic.  I like to see myself gifted in math and good at writing.  I guess I had good grammar classes and excelled at that step.  I actually finished being familiar and quick with letters by "falling in love with" "The Letter People."

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